Metaphor #9: No Know Desire


The very last thing I said to her that night we talked on the phone, the very first night back from Brazil. Part of what makes my life JUST SO unusual is my rapid change in myself, it’s just so fast.

It’s like spinning around in the universe with all these other experiencers out there, a sea of blurry faces, and you begin to wonder if anyone can even see me. But then something interesting happens, there is a STILL face among the masses, someone that can actually see me — a true wholly shit moment. You look at them and they look at you and for once, you, actually able to see someone, not just another blurry face. To me, that is magic, a still moment among the waves and waves of time, however fleeting it really is on the surface.

But, I am much like the character Roland in the Gun Slinger books I mentioned, set on a particular direction towards a great and dark tower, sometimes is a city, other times is an old house. So as I’m sitting here in Houston, I can actually feel how fast I an changing and moving. I can see my family waisting away, my own mother waisting away, my father, but he never graduated to the word father, so it’s unVictor for him, waisting away, and my uncle… It’s so strange to see all of these people you are suppose to love so much caught up in the stillness. I want to scream at them, shake the shit out of them — wake up! Start moving! But the people hardest to change are those closest to you because they are really the farthest away.

I can feel myself moving so fast, my sense of time is distorted in a way. This goes back to Einstein and his understanding of the relative nature of time. Time is relative because it doesn’t exist, it’s perceived by the point of perception (the human interface system) as a way to sequence the universe in a way that allows you to make sense of the world.

The thalamus gland in the human mind, the reducing valve, prevents us from experiencing everything all at once — what use would that be? So Einstein found that the quicker things change, the slower the perception of time — and that’s what light really is, information about change, waves of change. So my gift, my mind enables me to change very quickly, which is why I’ve experienced so much in such a short time, such a long and strange life it’s been, the strangest yet TO come, May be fun.

As I write, I can’t help but wonder how perceptive you are, how much do you hear in my writings, how much goes right past.

Sometimes if you look at only the surface structure of communication, you will miss the real deep structure meaning, but sometimes if you look to deeply, you distort the meaning just was well. But as I say in my video, my very first story, we create the elegant structures of communication because we are individual, we are alone in our universe.

There is no real MEANING, only these fumbling words and other mechanisms we use to communicate, but we can never really share an experience with anyone. Two people can be experiencing the exact same moment, yet experience them in two completely different ways. It’s really quite wonderful when you think about it, what it means to be individual. But the fact is, you will never know my meaning and I will never know yours. Such a sumptuously mysterious life, how interesting this all really is.

So the last bread crumb I leave before walking into the unknown woods is a purple crumb. And as you read, you CAN begin to realize that every time you notice yourself noticing the color purple, your going to think about the strange little girl you met in the land of Brazil, the land of purple flowered trees, purple wine, purple sunsets, and purple stories.